Fail Blog

This is a rant. I need to write it down, otherwise I am going to keep talking about it to anyone who stands still long enough to listen to me. And that is definitely not a good way to make friends. Because it's annoying as hell.

Once upon a time, I started my senior year of college, and it was great. I was in the musical. I had some friends. Good.

While being in the musical, I didn't pay attention to anything that was happening in any class that I was taking, and I LIKED it that way. It was lovely bliss.

Now the musical is over, and I have no choice but to pay attention, and this is what I now know:

I Fail.

I literally have no idea what is happening in any class that I am taking. All that I know is that I hate my Cryptography D-Group more than I thought was physically, emotionally, and spiritually possible, and that Comm. Ethics is the first comm. class that I have been at a total loss in. I literally feel like the stupidest person in the world on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I am actually not stupid, though. I think I am a sort of smart most of the time.

But at the same time, even while I am totally failing to complete anything on time or remotely well, I DON'T CARE. I don't.

I would much rather spend my time reading Harry Potter 7, and going to trivia, and carving pumpkins with my housemates, and making epic-ly good chili and going to Sharis late at night with Emily.

But still, I fail.

Zombies and Love

Halloween is coming. Again. As usual. I have a costume which I (and others) have spent a semi-ridiculous amount of money on, and I am literally going to wear it every chance that I get for the next two months.

Halloween makes me think of crushing on people and/or being crushed on, because this one time I was in a zombie play around Halloween time. And there was this boy in it. And we had to KISS. So ever since then, zombies have made me think of teen romance. And N. Ireland romance. Pretty much, zombies=love.

I'm not going to be a zombie, but still.

Cosmo knows Its Stuff

Our house if full of magazines, ranging from trashy, to pseudo-trashy, to not trashy at all. Our house is also freezing, as an unrelated sidenote, and usually smells like cookies or waffles or homemade chicken.

So anyway, I was reading the November 2009 "Cosmo," and I learned that the best way to get a person to like you is to use their name repeatedly. Interesting... (I also finally learned who Kim Kardashian actually is/why she is famous. Because I have really been wondering for the past year.)

And then I thought, "Hey! That is TRUE." And I thought about all the people that I know and whether or not I use their names a lot. Some yes, some no. And then I thought about people who use my name and realized that I'M SURE it's because they want me to like them. And then I thought about people who's names I don't know but probably should by this point. Like almost everyone who works in the library who is not a student. There are at least five older/middle-aged women who work here, who all have names like "Pat" or "Deb," and I still do not to this day, know who any of them are. I obviously recognize that they are different people, but I don't know which names go with which ladies or what any of their jobs are.

BAD. That is bad.

And then I thought about this other person that works in the library with me (student) who I have been indtroduced to, oh let's say, ten times. He has literally asked me my name at least ten times. And everytime he asks my name again, I want to punch him in the nose, and yell, "Let's at least pretend that you know my name!"

But I don't.

And then I thought of this other library worker whose name I use all the time. All the TiMeee.

We are friends.

That Bothers Me but Probably Shouldn't

Bother #1-

The Whitworth Libary uses that Library of Congress shelving system. That means that different genres of book are given different alphabetical codes. For example, most literature is in the "PS" section. I enjoy shelving the PS section. I do not enjoy shelving the BS section(theology) and here's why:

Okay, let's break this down. Theologoy majors study Jesus, right? Others things too, I'm sure, but definitely Jesus. Jesus is all about loving your neighbor, and let's say (for arguments sake) that "neighbor"="everyone. Including me, the Library Circulation Desk employee whose job it is to shelve books after people turn them in. Well, theology majors, I'm pretty sure that Jesus would not leave books ALL OVER THE SHELVES. ALL THE TIME. I'm pretty sure. But don't quote me on that.

Unnecessary Title

First of all, go to this link. This one.
Right down...
Here!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_e7yvpNF_s&feature=related


Good. Now look at these:
YES. That's right.

Waxing Philosophical

Denmark is one of the happiest country in the world. Did you know that? This Danish professor researched the reason why Danes are happy and this is what he said (I didn't write this part, just so you know. I copied it from http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/02/14/60minutes/main3833797.shtml):

They’re so glum and get happy when things turn out not quite as badly as they expected. "And I was thinking about, What if it was opposite? That Denmark made the worst, number 20, and another country was number one. I'm pretty sure the Danish television would have said, 'Well, number 20's not too bad. You know it's still in the top 25, that's not so bad,'" he says.

History may also play a role in the country's culture of low expectations. If you go to the government's own Web site, it proudly proclaims “the present configuration of the country is the result of 400 years of forced relinquishments of land, surrenders and lost battles."

Hhahaaaa! Isn't that great? And also a little ironic and sad, but mostly just great.

So, I was thinking about this. And I realized that that has been my problem of late. High expectation. Geez, what's my problem? I should never expect anything good to happen to me. Now I feel marginally better about my summer.

Having said that, I can all of a sudden think of a handful of of little moments that were kind of great.

-I only have two and a half days of work left. YES. That is great.

-I've been teaching "The Tempest" all summer. This is the fourth time. This session, the class consists of 19 girls, who are all about 14. And 1 boy. And every day when I get to to class, these girls will crowd around me and tell me that they like my outfit. Every day. I am the most popular kid in town.

-A maybe-homeless man saw me sitting on a bench in the park, reading. And he said, "You're so pretty. If I was half my age, I would ask you on a date." It was not creepy, but actually kind of sweet.

-My lovely friend Emily I. M. visited me, and we had a glorious weekend, doing very bad karaoke (me) and drinking fantastic I.P.A. at the Brewers Fest and getting tipsy(both of us).

-My hair became red.

-I made a giraffe cake and left it on Jesca's porch in the dead of night.

-We've had sibling "True Blood" night every single Sunday since the new season has started.

-Right now, as I am writing this, there are pre-teens in the classroom next door singing Queen with piano accompaniment.

Lots of things. Perspective is a good thing.

I Need to Leave

This summer has been...fine. Fine. Not great, not bad. Just sort of unsatisfying. Here's an analogy for you (metaphor? I can never tell...) Summer 2010 has been like being really, really hungry and all that you want to do is eat, eat, eat. But when you finally get to eat, you eat the first thing that you see (probably something weird because there is nothing left in the fridge since you haven't gone shopping for three weeks. Something like a tortilla with peanut butter and cinnamon on it) instead of filling you up and putting you into a good-food coma, you still feel hungry. Cause you didn't eat the right thing. You still want something else, something satisfying, even though, technically, you're not hungry anymore.

I need to leave. I need to stop being in my parent's house because it reverts me back to age 14 which is not an age I ever want to be again. It makes me (dare I say it?) bitchy. It makes me want to get in the car and turn on the radio and sing while I drive forever without telling anyone where I'm going.

It's like all summer, I've been waiting for something, which has caused time to go quickly without me noticing or doing anything to stop it.

There weren't very many hot, hot nights to sit outside in with my sister, eating sushi. I only went to the park once all summer. I didn't go to the library nearly enough.

This post is a bit of a downer. Sorry about that...Here's a happy picture to lighten the mood!
(WOW. Look at how happy that cat is! That cat is ridiculously happy. I'm pretty sure it is impossible to feel down while looking at this picture. Good thing we got that taken care of.)

Don't get me wrong. Good things have happened. Some very good things in fact.
Good things, good things. But all in all, I'm ready to leave and go to school, even though Portland is infinitely cooler than Spokane and always will be.