Sunday, August 21, 2011

Sun With Frowny Face

The sun looks frowny.

So, here's the connection:
1. Not loving being out of college. In fact, it kind of/really sucks. And I never thought I would be the person to say that. I didn't even like college till I was halfway through it, but now, I just want to go back in the fall. That is true. Even to Spokane. Spokane is seeming pretty adorable and awesome right now, because at least if I was going back to school, I would have something to do with my life for another year. I mean, I think I do know what I want to do with my life-get my M.A. in community counseling, do good in the world etc.- but right now, at this point, I feel like I am going to be stuck working 36 hours a week at a restaurant for rich people, living in my parent's basement, and floating across the surface until I can do something meaningful. There is absolutely no purpose to what I am doing right now. I hate this. Yes, I will be starting grad school stuff in a couple of weeks (clutch), and I am going to try super hard to get another job (coffee shop? No more children's theater that never pays me!), and I am going to Chicago to see my ass-kicking awesome friend Emily (we will probably/definitely be dressing up in costumes/spandex dresses multiple times...Wow. That sounded kind of dirty. Sorry), and I have a new place that I want to volunteer which looks amazing (music mentorship? Alternative-school tutoring? Umm... super great.) Oh, and my sweet, great, awesome big brother is getting married next weekend, and it will be the most fun wedding that will ever be. SO all that is good. But, really, what I really want to do is go back to school. Gah! I never thought I would be that person, but I am. It's hard structuring my own life. School just makes it so easy to have a purpose.
2. No Motivation
There has been a pile of clean clothes on my floor for the past two months. I periodically replace them with new clean clothes, but I never actually put them away. I have a letter from my amazing friend Stephanie that I have been meaning to answer for a month but just haven't. Bad friend. Bad. I started a check registry, and then I almost immediately stopped writing anything in it. I'm tired all the time, and it sucks every bit of motivation right out of me. Double-shifts are brutal, and every time I'm not working at night, I'm usually doing something with someone (which is great, and I think, healthy) , and I feel off-balance. Like I never really do what I need to do, but I also can't make myself do what I need to do. Because it's so much easier to watch "Parks and Recreation" on Netflix in bed for hours on end.
3. Hurry up and end already, Stupid Summer. You've been sort of sucky.