Monday, July 26, 2010

A Bone to Pick

I have windows in my bedroom. Like most people. I like to sleep with them open, so I can listen to crickets and cars and feel a nice breeze on my face.

Here's what I DON'T like: my (expletive)stupid-face neighbor who cuts down trees with an (expletive) CHAINSAW at (expletive) 7:30 A.M.

I was lying in bed. It was morning. I was tired.

So I was lying there, almost asleep, in my cottony sheets and down comforter. It was a lovely, lovely feeling.

AND THEN, the loudest chainsaw in the entire world started to rev in the house next to me.

At first, I was pretty sure that it would stop (because, really, what needs to be cut down when it's barely light outside yet? Tell me, I dare you). After about a minute it did, and I was allllmoost asleep...

NO, NO I WASN'T, because it started up again. And again and again and again for the next two hours, and I literally almost got out of bed, stood in the middle of my backyard, and yelled "turn off you f****** chainsaw!" at the top of my lungs.

But I didn't. It wouldn't have done any good, and I didn't want to mess with someone holding a chainsaw.


  1. Hahahahahahahaha. Hahahahahahahah. Ha. Haha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

    This was exactly what I needed at 10:37 AM on a Tuesday morning. I'm sorry for your misfortune, really...but so glad for your hilarious writing skills.

  2. *sigh.
    HAHAHAHAHAH. Chainsaws are so annoying and dumb!